"Mend A Heart"; She Was A Victim, Never A Victor

These are two pieces that I wrote awhile ago, in February to be exact. I hope that you enjoy them both! Mend a heart is a song that talks about all of the hopelessness that's going on in the world, and how if I could just mend one heart my life would not be in vein. The other piece, She was a victim, never a victor, is a poem, a spoken word piece to be exact. It is about one woman's triumphant acceptance of who she is. She once was a victim of her circumstances, but by learning to love herself and by developing a relationship with God, she comes to become the victor rather than the victim.

“Mend A Heart”

Written by Kimberly Goins

Verse 1
I see poverty all around
So many children are starving
Can you see those who are stricken by aids
There is so much despair
There has got to be something we can do
To help
But I feel so helpless
Cause there is so much heartache in this world
If I can just help mend one heart
Then I will feel that my life
Is not in vain

Verse 2
Everyday children are coming into this sinful world
Already behind
Cause they are born with birth defects
And all sorts of disabilities
That aren’t their fault
Have you ever seen a crack addicted baby
How can it not bring tears to your eyes
Is there a wonder why I want to do something
If I can just mend one heart
I will feel that my life
Is not in vain

Verse 3
So many people are walking around spiritually dead
Therefore, they are seeking solace in all the wrong things
People judge the prostitute for selling her body
When they should be loving her
And wondering why she sunk so low
Have you ever seen a heroin addict
How can you not be overcome with emotion
Looking at that poor, broken person
Who would rather escape reality through broken veins
If I can just mend at least one heart
I will feel that my life
Is not in vain

Verse 4
So many people are contemplating suicide
And so many people are completing the task
I cannot help but wonder what could have been done
Maybe I could just be a friend
To one of those lonely hearts
And tell them that they have at least one person who cares
Cause imagine what it feels like
To feel like you’re alone, like nobody cares
I just want to mend at least one heart
Then I will feel that my life
Is not in vain

Verse 5
So many people are walking around without any peace
They aren’t living really
Cause they don’t have any joy
I just wish I could tell them about the joy of the Lord
And that would fill them
They would never be the same
I don’t want for anybody to live a life of unhappiness
I want for everyone to live abundantly
And be so bountfully blessed
That’s why if I mend at least one heart
I will feel that my life
Is not in vain

She Was A Victim, Never A Victor

Written by Kimberly

I was never the victor
Cause I was the victim
Always blaming them
For what I was
What I’ve become
It was never my fault
Always everyone but me
That is not the true story
There is so much more truth to see
And though this will be sort of painful
I must address this

Part 1
What was I to be
When the odds were stacked against me
I was a victim of a bad situation
Had no control over others’ motivation
How could I live life to the fullest
When every one was coming against this
Never seeing my true beauty
Or even the complete story
They couldn’t recognize the angel before their eyes
Instead they chose to destroy the unknown with their vicious lies
How could I be anything more than a victim
When I was so much more than them
Yet they wouldn’t even recognize the greatness
Instead they wanted to highlight the sadness
I was never a victor, always a victim
But it wasn’t my fault, who else can I blame but them
I was never a victor, always a victim
But it wasn’t my fault, who else can I blame but them

Part 2
What was I to do
When I had no clue
Of who I was or what I should be
I didn’t even know me
All I knew was what others wanted to see
And they didn’t see adequately
They saw the portrait of me
They didn’t see the real me
They didn’t even know completely
But were they to blame for freely
Adopting a perfect persona perfectly
When this aquarius adapted seemingly
Easily

To everything
And everyone
Wanting to please someone
Instead of the One
Never able to overcome
The pressure of conforming
Instead of ever performing
This is alarming
Cause she was a victim, never a victor
But it wasn’t their fault, who could blame them
Cause she was a victim, never a victor
But it wasn’t their fault, who could blame them

Part 3
Where was I to go
Where was I to turn
I had to get on the flo
Cause what I had inside, oh what a burn
Stuff needing to come out
Cause I had a story that needed to be shared
I was ready to show what I’m about
I had a soul that was ready to be bared
So I got on my knees
Started to pray
Begged my God please
Show me your way
Cause I don’t know
But Lord, I’m ready to learn
Ready to let it all out
Simply speak these simple words, nothing spared
I have gotten this thought
That must be aired
I have come to see what it means to be free
I am not afraid to lay
My head down, close my eyes, pray so deeply
This is my fresh start, beginning today
Cause I was a victim, never a victor
But it wasn’t nobody’s fault but mine
Cause I was a victim, never a victor
But it wasn’t nobody’s fault but mine

Part 4
Now I stand before you victorious
Cause I feel so proud, and it’s glorious
And I’m really alright, this feeling is notorious
For those who choose to live in the light, it’s so joyous
Personally, my life is better than it’s ever been
And that’s saying so much, cause if you’ve seen what I’ve seen
I shouldn’t be standing, shining brighter than a star
Some folks say you should be less than you are
But what I’ve done seen, what has been done
To me, made me come to be more than anyone
No one could limit this limitless vessel
Cause the spirit is willing to lead this girl to the next level
Hey, I’m never defeated
Always coming up, never broken, always more completed
Yes, everything everybody took away from me
Was meant to be gone, cause then I was given greater pieces don’t you see
Some stuff had to be taken away
Some people had to walk their way
That is what built up this fortress
And gave her peace, hope in all distress
This vision of perfection you see before you
Would not have been possible without those who
Talked about me in their veiled attempt at destruction
What they didn’t know was I excel in such construction
Cause this ain’t nothing but reincarnation
Cause I’m becoming better in each lifetime of tribulation
In this sensation
I find perfect peace, my sanitation
Is in my love of God, He is my meditation
And my motivation
Is to live life for Him, and no one else, spare your spiritual degradation
I am much more through this enlightened salvation
I am a victor, never a victim
Cause I had no one to blame, but myself
And then I found myself
And saw that I actually am
I am a victor, never a victim
Cause I have no one to blame, but myself
So I say it proudly
Always a victor, never a victim

Songs of reflection

I am someone who expresses myself through the songs that I write as well as my poetry and novels. Tonight, I was feeling especially inspired and thus decided to share some of my latest songs. I hope that you enjoy. I have enclosed a brief description of each song.


This first song called "I Wasn't Ready" is something that I think all people can relate to. It's about how sometimes when we are in a relationship and someone hurts us we use that as an excuse to push them away. The person in the song comes to realize how wrong that is; nobody is perfect. She wasn't ready to listen to her boyfriend before, to what he had to say, but she is ready now.
"I Wasn’t Ready"
Written by Kimberly Goins

Verse 1
I know I can’t always see past my pain
But I admit I want to talk to you
Let you know that I’m not angry anymore
Oh no, in fact I’m willing to listen now
You said that you have something
You want to say
This is the moment; it’s right now

Chorus
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now

Verse 2
I know I sounded so unforgiving then
But I don’t want to be that way
Anymore, oh no, I have grown since then
And now I’ve come to realize
That everyone makes mistakes
And I can either choose to give you another chance
Or I can walk away from the only one I’ve ever loved

Chorus
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now

Verse 3
I know I shouldn’t have listened to my friends
They didn’t really know what was going on with
You and me
And truthfully that was just a reason I could use to push you away
Cause, yes even though you did me wrong
You apologized deep from in your heart
Tears were in your eyes
As you promised never to hurt me again

Chorus
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now

Verse 4
I hope you can forgive me for not willing to listen
To what you had to say, and I am hoping
That you will listen to me too
See I had never been in love like this before
So when you hurt me I had to let you go
But that wasn’t right, a mistake doesn’t change
The inseparable bond we had
And just as God has forgiven me for so much
I must do the same
So baby just please talk to me
I’m willing to listen now

End with chorus
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now
I know I wasn’t ready before
But I’m ready now
I’m listening now


This next piece is a more whimsical piece about how good it feels when you first meet someone special. You fantasize about this person as you imagine yourself spending time with them, and kissing them, and being in a relationship with them. It's just a fun, happy sort of piece.

"I Am Fantasizing About You"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
It’s just another night
Of me imagining you by my side
Picturing me in your arms
And you holding me tenderly
Like you’ll never let go
Oh, I must let you know

Chorus
I am fantasizing about you
And I know I should be ashamed
But I am fantasizing about you
But I’m too afraid to let you know
I got a crush on you

Verse 2
It’s just another balmy day
The sun is shining so you know I’m smiling
But that isn’t the only thing that brings a
Smile to my face
I’m just remembering when you did the sweet things
You did for me
Just picturing that beautiful expression on your face
You are so wonderful that I must let you know

Chorus
I am fantasizing about you
And I know I should be ashamed
But I am fantasizing about you
But I’m too afraid to let you know
I got a crush on you

Verse 3
Maybe we will come to be, you and me
Or maybe I’ll just have to be content
To just daydream about you
Oh, but my imagination is quite vivid yes
And truthfully, I’m afraid to let you know how I feel
Cause what if this puts an end to my fantasies of you

End with chorus
I am fantasizing about you
And I know I should be ashamed
But I am fantasizing about you
But I’m too afraid to let you know
I got a crush on you

This next piece is pretty straight-forward. It's about someone who realizes that they are in love. They try to fight their feelings, but they cannot because as we all know when love hits it's a powerful thing.

"I Think I’m in Love"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
I shouldn’t even feel this way
Cause it is too wrong to love you boy
How can I have feelings for someone who
I’ve only known for a little while
How can I already be making plans
For you to be in my life forever
I always tell myself that I won’t do this again
Never get overexcited too soon
All over some guy, but I can’t stop
These feelings cause

Chorus
I think I’m in love
I know it’s only been a little while
I think I’m in love
I know it seems too soon
But this type of connection
Comes only once in a lifetime

Verse 2
I won’t allow myself to have these
Feelings so strong that they almost
Consume me, oh no
I’ve got to be in control of this
I got to own it
Cause how can I already be content
To just stay in your arms
I don’t even want to go out
I just want to spend every moment with you
I don’t want to feel like this
But these feelings are literally
Overcoming me

Chorus
I think I’m in love
I know it’s only been a little while
I think I’m in love
I know it seems too soon
But this type of connection
Comes only once in a lifetime

Verse 3
I can’t feel this way, oh no
It’s only been 2 months
No this should not be happening
See I pride myself on being a woman who always
Has control of her deepest emotions
All of that love crap
Save it for someone else
Cause for me, it always led to pain
Now, here I am once again
And love is knocking at my door
And I don’t know if I should just open it
Stop resisting my feelings and give in to you
Cause I think I’m in love

Chorus
I think I’m in love
I know it’s only been a little while
I think I’m in love
I know it seems too soon
But this type of connection
Comes only once in a lifetime

This is another straight-forward piece. It's a piece about knowing yourself and loving yourself regardless of what anyone has to say about you.
"I’m Just Me"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
You wonder why I walk around like this
Acting as if I know I’m the shit
Well, I say that it’s because
What I’ve been through you’ll never know
See I’ve always been unappreciated
Never truly congratulated

That’s when I started with a little self-uplifting
And stopped needing other folks motivation
I can empower myself
I can do anything; I don’t need anybody else

Chorus
You may talk about me
You don’t even know me
But I’m just me; I’m just me
You may hate off me
You may not even like me
But I’m just me; I’m just me

Verse 2
You wonder why it is that I cut folks out my life
With the quickness
See I don’t have no time for drama-filled people that’s going
To try to bring me down with their hatred
That’s going to try to bring me down with their hatred

See I don’t have a problem being by myself
And I don’t have a problem loving myself
So look at me like you hate me
And I’ll look back at you like you crazy

Chorus
You may talk about me
You don’t even know me
But I’m just me; I’m just me
You may hate off me
You may not even like me
But I’m just me; I’m just me

Verse 3
See I learned sometimes you got to toot your own horn
Beep beep
Cause everybody is not going to support and believe in you
I learned that the hard way
That’s why I’m not really worried about
What anybody has to say about me
So you say that I can’t do this
I say watch me do it

Chorus
You may talk about me
You don’t even know me
But I’m just me; I’m just me
You may hate off me
You may not even like me
But I’m just me; I’m just me

Mini rap verse
You said that I couldn’t do anything
Now look at me doing the whole damn thing
Singer and writer
Whatever I aspire
To do and be
I will be, cause I know me
And though you look at what I’ve done
You don’t know what I’ve overcome
To get this far
You are
Crazy to think that this is the end
Yes, you may see me defeated, and think that’s
How it’s always been
But I’m more than great
And greatness is my fate
You may not be able to appreciate
And when you do it may be too late
Cause I’m coming out harder
With my rhymes, my songs, thinking larger
Than just school, my jobs, all that you see
That’s all cool, yeah it’s a part of me
But don’t you know I’m going to do it all
Sing and write, practice law, teach, do it all
I already have two degrees
Now I’m working on two other degrees
I’ve written novels, poetry, and songs
I’ve already done so much, and it’s not been a long
Time, I’m only 24, but you hadn’t seen nothing
I’ve already been something
Been making a difference since I was three
But get ready, cause you’re about to see
A whole new side of me.

Chorus
You may talk about me
You don’t even know me
But I’m just me; I’m just me
You may hate off me
You may not even like me
But I’m just me; I’m just me

This next song is a love song about the most pure perfect love there is, and that's the love that God has for us, it's "Everlasting love."
"Everlasting Love"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
I’ve got a story to share
About the way that I felt
The day you walked into my life
And changed every aspect of it
All of a sudden I don’t cry no more
All of a sudden I don’t have fear-filled nights
I just rest assured in the security of your
Everlasting love

Chorus
Everlasting love
That is what you give to me
Everlasting love
That is what you show to me
It’s unconditional
It’s unconventional
It’s everlasting love

Verse 2
I’ve got some good news to tell
Everybody I know
I need to let them know
That happiness isn’t a myth, I know this
Cause I didn’t know joy till I met you
All of a sudden all I do is smile
All of a sudden I don’t need to frown
I just rest assured in the comfort of your
Everlasting love

Chorus
Everlasting love
That is what you give to me
Everlasting love
That is what you show to me
It’s unconditional
It’s unconventional
It’s everlasting love

Verse 3
I’ve got so much to share
So much joy in my heart
That’s literally bursting out
I got to sing about it
I have to write about it
Cause I didn’t have peace until I met you
Now, I’m changed completely from the inside out
And the person I used to be, that miserable person
No longer exists
Cause I have found your everlasting love

End with chorus
Everlasting love
That is what you give to me
Everlasting love
That is what you show to me
It’s unconditional
It’s unconventional
It’s everlasting love

This song is about the eternal connection this woman has to her ex-boyfriend. Even once they've both moved on and found other people, respectively, he is still a part of her. Their connection was so strong, that she can feel when something is going wrong in his life. It's a connection that she doesn't want to have with him, but it will never dissipate.
"Just Because"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
Just because I’m not with you
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel your pain
I don’t have to be around you
To know that you are sad
It’s quite apparent in all that you do

I can see it in the sadness in your eyes
I can hear it in the words that your mouth refuses to say
I can feel it in the atmosphere
When you are in the vicinity

Chorus
Just because we don’t go together anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t still know you
Just because I’m not your woman anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t know when
Something is drastically wrong

Verse 2
You are having thoughts that you never used to have
When you were with me; my optimism kept
Those depressing thoughts at bay
Now, why all of a sudden
You’re damn near suicidal
Is life that bad for you?

I can feel your hopelessness in the sparse words you write
I can see it on your profile on the computer screen
It’s in the people you won’t talk to
Or who you talk about
I can feel the energy, cause it’s radiating off them too

Chorus
Just because we don’t go together anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t know you
Just because I’m not your woman anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t know when
Something is drastically wrong

Verse 3
It’s not like I want this
Hell, I got a new man
So I don’t want this never-ending radar
That’s attached on me from your aura
It just won’t go away, go away
Cause I can always feel when something just is
Not right in your world
I can feel your depression
When you’re not even in the room
I can see your unhappiness
It’s all over you; it is all of you
It’s a part of you
And I must admit that thinking of you
Feels with me a certain spirit
I never feel good when I think about you
Cause I know something is wrong

End with chorus
Just because we don’t go together anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t still know you
Just because I’m not your woman anymore
Doesn’t mean that I don’t know when
Something is drastically wrong

This song says that a year will change this person's life. Just one year in her life will affect the rest of her future forever.
"This Isn’t Just Another Year"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
I’ve got a feeling that things are about to change
I’ve got a feeling that things are never going to be the same
The things that’s going to occur are already determined
And victory is for certain, happiness less certain
But either way, greatness is on the horizon

Chorus
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever

Verse 2
I have to say that this could be a really good year
Or things could go so badly
Either way, it’s known that this year is going to change all that I know and think
People in my life are going to change; or I’m going to change
Either way, some things are about to start happening

Chorus
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever

Verse 3
Other people cannot necessarily see what I’m talking about
I’m talking about that light I see at the end of the tunnel
After taking so long to make it to this point
I’m about to see myself walking on gold pavement
And walking towards mansions with gemstones

Chorus
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever

Verse 4
This could quite possibly be the best year of my life
Up till this point
See I’m finally where I need to be
I’m happy enough
I’m confident enough
My faith in God is strong enough
I’m spirit-filled enough
So what could stop me at this point
Nothing but me
And for me that just isn’t a possibility

Chorus
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever

Repeat several times
See I started going forward; I’m not going back
Oh yes, I’ve started going forward; I’m not going back

Chorus
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever
This isn’t just another year
It’s a year that’s going to change everything in my life forever

Finally, last but not least this is about having unresolved issues with an ex and wanting to talk to that person one last time for a more perfect ending.
"It’s Been Too Long Since You Been Gone"
Written by Kimberly Goins
Verse 1
I’m losing my mind, and wasting all my time
Cause I cannot stop having these countless thoughts about you
I don’t know what to do, I just feel I cannot give up on you
I feel there has got to be some sort of final resolution
That’s good to this dilemma, cause I can’t believe
That the end of something that began as such
A perfect love story would end so abruptly
And with so much unhappiness

All I know is

Chorus
It’s been too long since you been gone
It’s been too long since you been gone
And this hope can’t last any longer

Verse 2
I cannot stop fantasizing about this reunion we’ll have
I picture all kinds of images in my mind
When I was still in love with you I imagined you
Saying that you still loved me
Now time has come and gone
And our love is all gone
But just because we’re not together doesn’t mean
That I don’t think about us having a conversation
About any old thing or everything
I picture you admitting I was right
And that I touched your life

Oh, I know

Chorus
It’s been too long since you been gone
It’s been too long since you been gone
And this hope can’t last any longer

Verse 3
I think it’s time we meet again
Cause two people who shared such a love
Oh, it would be crazy to do as you’re doing
To pretend that I never existed
Do you think that will change anything
Our past is still there
And it’s not going anywhere
So maybe baby boy, since you been gone from my life
For so long
You will consider just calling me up one day
So we can talk about life and what it means
About us and what we were
And how we made each other better
If only for someone else

I just know

Chorus
It’s been too long since you been gone
It’s been too long since you been gone
And this hope can’t last any longer

Lyrical Assassination

So, this is my first entry into the blogosphere. I am going to start with something that's quite easy and familiar to me, and that is poetry, in this instance spoken word. Spoken word is an art form that I have just begun to really get into in recent months. I was attracted to this form because of the way that it allows me to express myself so vividly through words, and the sounds of words, and the beauty of words. Here is one of my very first spoken word pieces, lyrical assassination.

"Lyrical Assassination"
Spoken word/song piece

Written by Kim Goins

Chorus
Why don’t you find your own swag
Why are you copying off me
Trying to emulate me, be me
Well if this is how it’s going to be
I will take it there, honey you ain’t got shit on me
Hey yall
Do I need to break it down for them
Tell the haters what’s going on
Cause I don’t think they feeling me
I say that I should kill them with
This lyrical assassination

Part 1
I don’t know anyone
Who could run the race I’ve run
Sprinting fearlessly knowing victory I’ve won
Seeing something so far away
But knowing tomorrow is a better day
Even when I didn’t have motivation
I had reason to believe I had salvation
Cause in my tribulation
I found constant sanitation
As I was cleansed from the inside out
Made to be a better person to be seen without
And now I’m gleaming
Brighter than a shining star, and you steaming
Cause you wasn’t ready for this
When you gave up on me, I said I would finish
When you wasn’t looking I was working
When you gave up, I was still lurking
Getting nearer and nearer to the crystal stair
That only my eyes could envision but it was clear
That my visions of ecstasy could be wrought
Though it seemed supernatural I didn’t think it was so far out
To keep dreaming dreams that aren’t dreamed
By anyone in this world, it’s so crazy I got to scream
Cause I don’t even know how someone could live a life
Without striving for greatness
How then can they find blessedness?
And I don’t understand how someone could live a life
Luxuriating, lazily in the lap of lowered
Expectations, dammit, are you serious
What is the deal?
You embracing this?
And I think I got to do the hook one more time
And I think I got to do the hook one more time

Chorus
Why don’t you find your own swag
Why are you copying off me
Trying to emulate me, be me
Well if this is how it’s going to be
I will take it there, honey you ain’t got shit on me
Hey yall
Do I need to break it down for them
Tell the haters what’s going on
Cause I don’t think they feeling me
I say that I should kill them with
This lyrical assassination

Part 2
Oh yes, I’m back cause I got more to this story to share
See I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon, oh no I had shit to bear
I had stuff on my mind, folks on my back
All the time, how you feel about that
Sometimes it got so hard I couldn’t even fathom coming full circle
Reaching a pinnacle of success, naw, I was in a whirlpool
Coming and going, going and coming
Constantly swirling in circles of craziness
Crazy dreams
And crazy scenes
Surrounded by dreamless demons
And holy heathens
Did I forget to mention
That that was my folks and my family
My friends and the folks that cared about me
Or so they said
I don’t think so cause they wanted me dead
I’m talking spiritually dead
Never looking ahead
They didn’t want me fed
Even as I hungered for the great thoughts
Of the philosophers like Jesus and Socrates
They said child please
You supposed to live your life on our terms
It’s not about striving it’s about existing
See I wanted more than they could see
So I said snip snip
I’m cutting out you
And your heartless reactions
I’m going my way, no more retractions
How about I do this my way
Cause that is the only way

Final part (singing)
This is my lyrical assassination
I hope to cause deaths
With this lyrical assassination
I want to make you die
I want you bloodied
Broken and confused
As my words unravel your weak facades
I want only a shell left
So then I can build you up
But on a solid foundation
Through nothing more
Than this lyrical assassination

Final spoken part
This is my lyrical assassination
I have no ulterior motivation
I only want to save nations
By helping all avoid the temptation
To live life lifelessly leading to separation
From God and untold revelations
Fearfully forgetting the fantastic incantations
That all must do to reach this incarnation
Keep reading and writing, in this is your salvation
Don’t you see, how truth flows from my workstation
I’m talking my voice, and I use every occasion
To express, exemplify, and exalt every exultation
I’m feeling from featuring fabulous words to folks of all persuasion
I’m talking Haitian, Jew, and Asian
Blacks, even Caucasian
I don’t offer discrimination
But rather I provide this balm of liberation
To all who would be free from degradation
Through nothing more than this lyrical assassination.