This is a very long piece. Read it if you like. I don't expect it to be understood. I always have multiple purposes for my pieces and numerous meanings.
Untitled
Written by Kimberly Ann Goins
Sheep to the left of me
Sheep to the right of me
Sheep before me
Sheep behind me
All broken down, bloody, and bewildered
For they are wandering without a shepherd,
Without a shepherd to protect them from the traps and snares
Instead they blindly are walking right into the holes
With stupid grins on their sightless faces
They are here, but they literally are not here
Victims of “distractions”,
But how can I talk truth to a world
That only believes the lies spread by the biggest liar
But who revel in the lies
Shouldn’t you reject the lies?
Shouldn’t a lie make your stomach lurch slightly?
Shouldn’t your skin instantly recoil?
Or maybe that only comes when you get
To a higher spiritual plane
In which you strive only to transcend
This lower level emphasis on physicality
And the physical
And that worship of sexuality
For you aim to embrace only true spirituality.
See in a lower, physical level
I could not see what was right before my face either
I could mindlessly bop my head up and down
To endless "incantations"
And maybe even sing and repeat those notes
Not having any thought to what I’m really saying
Or to whom I am celebrating
But I think more now
And I am more quiet
As I sit and listen and observe
Everything and everyone around me
And sometimes I feel like a paranoid schizophrenic
Because I observe signs in everything
But then I receive confirmation
That indicates that these real notifications
Are indications of my spiritual maturation.
And I know now to never doubt what cannot be
Explained intelligently to people who lack
Spiritual insight
And I laugh because
Truthfully, I could not even show most
People an angel or a demon
For they would not believe it
And that’s their blind eyes!
So should they listen to me?
Alas, they shan’t.
For I live in a world
In which I don’t long to live
And I aspire for my Heavenly home almost daily
And I cannot even lie
Cause in my moments of abject depression
I pray for a peaceful transition
To that other, higher life
Right away
And I immediately ask for forgiveness
Because if I am taken away now
Who will take care of them?
Those two angels that I already know
Have been anointed for a specific purpose
And it was revealed to me
One at baptism
And one instinctively
Who will they confide in
So yes, Lord, I will live for them.
But I cannot stop weeping like
Jeremiah, and I know how he feels
He had to be “negative”
Because there was nothing to be happy or proud about
What role did he have
But one of naysayer
The source of bad news
Oh my brother in the Lord, how I pity you
And completely understand you
Or worst still, what was it like to be Jesus?
To be so perfect and blemish-free
Yet to literally walk and talk and live among
Fruitless, shiftless, and egotistical people
I can barely accept the fact that I, sinful me,
Has to live among them
But I digress,
What is it like to be perfect
And yet have to love those who are not perfect
And not only to love those who are not perfect
But to protect those who are not perfect
To pray for those who are not perfect
And finally, ultimately, to sacrifice yourself
For those who are not perfect and who will
Lie and decry your name
And mock and degrade your reputation
And hate and reject you, so that your sacrifice
Would seem to be in vain.
And I am feeling restless
Because every time I identify a purpose
Something inside me shifts
And I find that I must go another direction,
That’s because I have rebelled against what was
"Programmed" in me from birth
From the moment I came exposed and encaptured in
This sinful, savage world
My "programmed" conditioning has been shattered
And I find myself much like those blinded sheep
Who don’t know where they are going
Except although I don’t know in which direction I am going
I do see exactly the path on which I am going.
And I have made my choice
Although it may be a difficult one to choose
I choose salvation over certain hell
I choose life over fame
I choose Jesus over Satan
I choose humility over arrogance
I choose peace over confusion
I choose uniqueness over banality
And I will never be the same
Because this is more than a choice of “religion”
It is a choice of spirituality
Because I’ve experienced heaven and hell
I’ve seen heaven and hell
I’ve been before God during the White Throne Judgment
I’ve seen the rapture
I’ve experienced spiritual revelations
And have been in spiritual presences
And have seen and felt their soothing
Or their evil presences
And I have prayed to God
And saw the angels praising God
When I prevailed against certain evil
And I felt the evil ones leave
When through God’s grace I cast them out
And I have made my choice very clear
And it is set in stone
And a blood price has been paid
But it is not mine.
But you mindless sheep
Will pay a blood price
You will sacrifice your lives
To your master, to your ruler
You cause me to sorrow
And cry raggedly
As I fight to understand why
Oh why oh why
Would someone choose to love Lucifer?
He hates you and will cheerfully hold your hand
As he leads you into the fires
You don’t believe he is real
Oh yeah, I saw him too
As he begged and pleaded for me
To make that ultimate choice
Because he knew my worth
And how valued I was by God.
I was made with a special and unique purpose
God took great care to create me
And I was to be like no one else in this world
So if I had chosen to be evil
Woe to those that I would have led astray
And yes I would have done so very well
Because I had visions of what the devil intended for me to do.
I saw it and felt it for years
And I feared because even as I was good
I worried that my destiny was certain
And that it would not be a good one
But I did not know that the father of lies
Had literally planted dozens and dozens of them
Deep within my psyche
So many that I would literally have to "exorcise" myself of them all
And I saw the evil havoc that I would reap
And the manipulation that I would use
And how my form and frame
Would no longer be things of beauty
But dirty, filthy animalistic symbols
Of sex and nothing more
And I would become a receptacle
For men’s pleasure
And not be a beautiful being created
As one of God’s two most precious beings
Man and woman
And I would not be woman
Clothed in beauty and wisdom
But would be a "sex-kitten"
And that’s enough said there
Is it not?
And I saw myself doing devlish and dirty deeds
In order to be successful
Selling my soul to be famous,
For years I longed for fame and popularity
To be a famous singer and novelist
To be beloved by all and sundry
But that was years ago.
I grew up
And I grew in faith
And I never succumbed to his lies
And so his lies were proven to be lies
As I truthfully resisted all invitations to do evil
And I faltered and committed sins as we all do
But I never lost my soul nor will I ever
Because even as I had doubts and fears
I still prayed to God
Even as I longed to be successful
I refused to do evil things to obtain that success
Many opportunities came my way
Even the past few years
But every one with a stain of immorality on it
I resisted.
And as a result I grew more beautiful and wise
And now I am someone that most people don’t recognize
Because truthfully that young fearful and often feeble Kim
Has grown into a woman of strength and confidence
As I assert my purpose and my calling to myself daily
And my doubts in myself or in God are things of the past
And the lies that satan presents
No longer take root as I ignore him for the liar that he is
And his boasts no longer take from my confidence
As he mocks me and places
Untrue futures before me
One of drug addiction or suicide sometimes
I recognize them for lies.
Every time I reach a new plateau in my life
I realize that I did good
I kept the faith
And I stayed the course
And now finally, I also have my confirmation
As the Lord Most High speaks to me
And tells me of His plans for me
And He reassures me when I get uncertain
And He reminds me when I am forgetful
And He loves me even when I don’t love me
And He, no one else, gives my life meaning.
But wait wait,
What of the sheep which I began this piece with
Why, they are still there
Those that haven’t yet fallen completely,
And they are vulnerable and wide open
I wish I could warn them but that would expose me to ridicule
And truly they are pigs rather than sheep
And I should not throw my pearls to the pigs
But rather I will aspire to be like my "mentor"
Who never spoke a word unless it was done “secretly”
In plain sight, yet understood only by those whose hearts were willing
To understand the Truth
And I think that I will begin to write and speak that way
And speak plainly only to those persons who have ears to hear
Because there is no purpose in speaking to someone who is deaf
He cannot hear anything.
.
