"My Scars" Written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here, but I haven't stopped writing. If anything, I've been writing more than ever before. I have experienced quite a bit over the past few months, and the only true way to express all that I feel is through my writing. God has brought me a mighty long way. As of late I haven't really been posting much on here because He's blessed me to do other things with my writing. It wasn't too long ago that He blessed me to be able to sing some of my original songs at The Bluebird Cafe (Taylor Swift and Garth Brooks were both discovered there) and at Cafe Coco. Those were some of the most amazing experiences ever, and there are still more to come. I am just allowing Him to lead me and guide me. Often God wants to take us to a higher level, but in order to do so He has to remove some things from us, old hurts, pain, etc. This song, "My Scars," is about that. I hope that you enjoy!


Verse 1
You look at me and you are envious
Because you see someone
Whose life seems perfect
If you only knew
Just how wrong you are
How about I tell you the true story?

It's true that I have a smile on my face
And I constantly show positivity
That's not because I'm perfect
It's only God that gives me
This strength to keep on living

Chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony

Verse 2
Yes, I was Valedictorian
Yes, I've preached a time or two
Yes, I graduated from college and law school
Yes, I'm beautiful now
But wait, there is still so much more

Yes, I was raped years ago
Yes, I used to be mistreated
All the time and by so many
Yes, I didn't love myself
For a long time
Yes, all I heard was negativity and criticism

Chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony

Verse 3
Why am I sharing this with you today
I could just pretend that
My life has been so perfect
After all, isn't that what people think anyway
But I decided that I want to help somebody
Who also might be going through the same pain
So here you go
These are my scars
My emotional and physical scars
That I didn't think would ever heal
But I look at them now
And though they still are there
The hurt no longer remains

End with chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony



.

“This Season Will Last For A Lifetime”

Written by Kimberly A. Goins

Verse 1

Those dark days you’ve experienced

Have come to an end

Those endless nights you spent with

Tears in your eyes

Are finally over

Those unhappy moments that came against you

Every single day have all become moments of happiness

That depression that often overwhelmed you

Has been lifted permanently this time

No more unhappiness

These storms are all over now

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

Verse 2

All of the lies that people told about you

They have now been exposed

Those misunderstandings

And mischaracterizations of you

Oh, my child you are finally vindicated by me

They will never be able to cause harm to you again

The hurt you experienced personally

From their knives to your heart

Oh, I felt every one of them

And I bear it now for you

So that you will never have to  

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

Verse 3

Endurance

That’s the first word I will say to you

When I see you in Heaven

Cause you endured beautifully

You could have given up

Ended your climb

It would have made so much sense

Cause there was a time when

You had no one to call on

And you couldn’t really feel me

Yet, I was always there

And I saw you when you cried

Even as your eyes were filled with tears

And your heart with despair

You still pressed on and believed

That tomorrow would be a brighter day

Though there were no signs of it

And I’m here today to say as your God

But more importantly, as your Father

And most of all, as your Best Friend

That day is here

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

"The Trial"  Written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

Spoken part, “Accuser’s Opening Argument”

Well, she really is one of ours

Look at her body of work

She has been sinning for so many years

I know you claimed her as your own

Because of her confession to you at the age of ten

But her actions since then don’t really seem to support

Her being found “innocent”

Because for twenty years she really acted like one of ours

She smoked and did drugs

Drank so much alcohol

Was sexually promiscuous

Didn’t really go to church all that often

And now on her death bed, you are claiming that she is yours

Well, tell me how are you entitled to her soul?

Verse 1 "First Defendant's response"

Accuser, you cannot have my soul

Accuser, I’m not guilty anymore

See, what you said might very well be true

In that I backslid for quite some time

But what you don’t know is that I never lost my Father’s love

And He was keeping me even when I didn’t always see Him

He was still loving and protecting me

And no matter how low I got

I was never too low to call on Him

And no matter how far I went

I was never too far from Him

And so even on my death bed, I am still His

Cause I never lost my salvation

He saw what you cannot see

He saw how I struggled all my life

A victim of far too much

Molested by evil, demonic relatives

Since that age of ten

But oh at that point I called on Him

Asked Him to save me

And I have been His every since

Chorus

I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten

My sins are cleansed

And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb

I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten

My sins are all washed away

Can’t you see I’m literally covered in the blood of my Savior

Spoken part, "Accuser's Second Argument" 

Well, that may be true in regards to you

But I see another defendant to accuse

He, unlike you, never confessed the Lord

And I know that for certain he is one of ours

He sold drugs for many years

Caused so many souls to go astray

Through his illegal deeds

And his evil ways

He shot and killed and harmed countless souls

And now he has been shot and killed

And it’s time for him to spend his destiny in hell

There is no way that God would accept one such as him

So come on defendant, accept your punishment

You are guilty, guilty as sin!

Verse 2 "Second Defendant's Response"

Accuser, you cannot have my soul

See, you would have been so right

If not for just one thing

See, although I sinned for my entire life

I always knew about God

And I knew that I was doing Him wrong
I kept on putting off coming to Him
Over and over again
And every day I said that now is the time
But I never came to Him
Until, one day, actually the day that I died
See, what you didn’t know is that five minutes
Before my life was taken from me
I called on the Lord and repented of my sins
I told Him that I wanted to be His
And to be saved
I didn’t know that I was about to die
But lucky for me when I opened my eyes
I was in Paradise

Chorus
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are cleansed
And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are all washed away

"Accuser’s Closing Arguments"

Well, I may have been wrong a couple times before

But I know that I have got it exactly right this time

And I am here to claim one of my own

She is someone that was destined to be one of my mine

My demons had already attacked her family from the very time of her birth

She came into a situation that was virtually impossible to survive

See, I had already infiltrated her family

Through holes in their perfect facades

I used spirits of adultery, sexual promiscuity

Drug use, lying spirits, all matters of evil to break them

And when you go back and look at her family tree

You must realize that she is descended from evil kings and evil people

Who worshiped evil spirits

So, she is destined to be one of my mine

Her most powerful gifts are just like mine

Gifted in voice and beautiful in form

Oh, think of the millions she can seduce just

By that hypnotizing voice of hers

And those who won’t respond to her melodic voice

Will be deceived by her innocent face

And her “sinful” body

Oh, certainly, she is one of mine

And I don’t need to hear her claims

I already know this to be fact

She is guilty

There is no need for a trial

No one who could come from that

Could turn out good

"Criminal Defense Attorney's Response"

Verse 4

Accuser, you are right

In that you don’t have to hear her claims

But rather I, the Lord Jesus Christ, your adversary

Will speak on her behalf

See, I am her representative

You would have been right

But you neglected to consider one thing

She already has submitted her life to me

Heart, mind, body, and soul

So her future is already secure

And her name is written in the Book of Life

And it will not ever be blotted out

It doesn’t matter that you were able to reach her

With demonic attacks

To lie on her

To attack her directly

You are right in that

You had certain legal rights

Legal rights that I allowed

You were allowed to try to trick her

To try to deceive her

But in all that, oh devil, you were the one who was hoodwinked

Because I knew that she would never fail

And she was already saved

Your little tricks were just part of her period of testing

So thanks for what you’ve done

You’ve only made her stronger

And you have no legal claim to her or any of hers

See not only did she confess her own sins

And was instantly forgiven

But she took on all of the sins of the family

The generational curses

She brought them before my Father boldly

Confessing them and begging for His forgiveness

So accuser, you can accuse her no more

And your opening has been closed

And you are now ordered to leave her alone

Her and all who she knows

My hedge is all around her

And it will never never be broken

She is innocent!

She is innocent!

Sing it my child

 Chorus

I’m innocent
I’m innocent
Accuser, you can accuse me no more
I have been released from my prison cell
And the handcuffs have been taken off
There are no shackles on my feet
I’m innocent
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit
I am innocent
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are cleansed
And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are all washed away
I’m innocent, so accuser you have to leave me alone.

"Untitled" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

“Untitled”

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

You overthink things!

Let your mind rest

Stop thinking about things

You say to me

But I cannot do this

Because that would be contradictory to my nature

And I cannot be like you and shut my mind off and simply go to sleep

And my mind is much more complex than that

And the mind is a paradox

Because it is a muscle of the most perplexing nature

And it can be expanded and strengthened

Or did you know?

And so my mind is much different than is yours

Because I strive to use every inch and aspect of it

Although that is impossible

And I wonder if it is within the mind

Where some small part of the soul is hidden

Since although real it is not always tangible

Especially to us in our limited physical state

And don’t be mad at me for tapping into the spiritual

Supernatural and incredible

And I want more than a life with physical experiences

Lived in the physical realm

And among physicalities

But rather my realities

Are much more different than are yours

Because you strive to escape spirituality

While I literally revel in it excited and happy

To finally have understanding

That yes, my life has purpose and meaning

And no I’m not crazy

Because spiritual is all that matters

Physical passes away and is destroyed

And when there is nothing left

And all is said and done

Only spiritual remains

So who is crazy now?

Who is overthinking things?

Oh no, dear sir, perhaps you are not thinking enough.

"Untitled" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

I have no idea what to say about this piece really. It will have to speak for itself. It can be a song or a poem or a narrative. I am not sure what it is. This is just another new dimension to my writing. I cannot explain it. I wrote it, and it made no sense to me, but I literally wrote everything that came to mind.

“Untitled”



Part 1

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning unable to go back to sleep

I had a song in my heart that simply wouldn’t leave me

Cause I had so many thoughts on my mind

That had to be expressed somehow, oh yes

I needed to talk to myself for just a little while

So here is the conversation that I had with me

It’s a new day for you girl

All your problems of yesterday are all gone

The pain that used to define your existence has all been lifted

And you don’t have to walk around all burdened down anymore

Part 2

I didn’t really know what I was going to write in that moment

I admit that words were simply coming and what they were going to say I didn’t know

This is a different approach for me

I used to write completely in the spirit

Now, I still do, but it’s a different way now

I write with faith

And I had a dream before I woke up this morning

I was surrounded by fellow believers beginning to sing some praises

And I don’t recall the song, all I know is

They were people from my past

So many folks that I hadn’t seen in awhile, so what is that telling me?

Part 3

My moods are up and down

I don’t know how to explain that

It could be due to those spiritual experiences

Or is that simply all it is?

Because one minute I’m bowed down and broken

With tears staining my pillows

But literally a minute later I’m smiling and happy and at peace

All because I see something that gives me hope

Am I crazy?

I think not, maybe I’m just human

And yesterday I felt all over the place

But by the end of the day after battling my emotions

And putting all the work in to research and study God’s Word

And other sources

And reading A Purpose Driven Life at 4 in the morning to begin the day

And the Psalms late into the night almost as a new day approached

And certainly some breakthrough had to occur

And it did, but my feelings are still in flux

I finally feel stable and in control

But my emotions don’t agree with my common sense

And they are contradictory to my stability

I guess that’s why they are the reason I will always have

To continue to pray

Part 4

Is there really any other way to write

Other than solely as streams of consciousness?

When you wake up at 3 in the morning

And you can’t even go back to sleep

Until you express some words on the computer screen

Some words that provide a balm of healing to you

And you will be able to go to sleep

More tired but more complete

Exhausted but energized

Quite a paradox

And who wants to admit their mental conditions

Because by doing so you would appear flawed

But if you embrace them are they really weaknesses?

When they allow one to surpass mere mortality

And obtain the heights of genius

Okay, now this piece is getting too deep

And this sounds almost like ramblings

And I admit that sometimes I fear I am bipolar

Or at least that I have ADD or ADHD

Because I cannot calm down until

I have expressed myself in some written way

Or sung songs that never seem to end

And I have songs in the thousands

But I never am really done with writing songs

Because I never really will be not even when I’m in Heaven above

Part 5

And this piece ends much the way it began

With uncertainty on the part of the author

And here is the big secret of mine

The key to my soul is in my words

And my heart beats all over the pages

And another secret is

That I never write a single outline

And I never spend more than a few minutes

To write every song and poem

That comes to my mind

Divinely somehow

And there is no preparation

And no aggravation for me

Other than impatience at needing to get it out

And it’s funny because as this piece is winding down

My body is becoming more tired

And I am more sleepy

So I have completed my task for tonight

And now I can sleep peacefully



Or can I?

Because although this piece is done

The other ones are not…

"Realness" By The Thinker

"Realness"


By The Thinker


Real recognizes real
Or at least that’s what they say
But that cannot very well be the case
When I live in a world in which the fake is
What is recognized as real
And what is real is mocked and degraded
And seen as untruth
For how can someone truly accept what’s “real”
When that truth is so raw
And so painful
And it pierces the very heart and soul to the core
Yet, you claim you want to have someone that is “real”
Okay, love I will show you my “realness.”


Why do I live in a world in which inequality not only exists
But is accepted and is a much sought after reality
Let’s just be real, this was a system that was designed
By the few to benefit the few and those who recognize this truth are few
If I don’t have money it’s not because I didn’t strive for it or work hard
But it’s because the system was designed that way
At the same time, I myself, am an aberration
Because by all the stats and the facts
I should be nothing and doing nothing
Considering that no one contributed (let’s just keep it real)
To this destiny and to my reality
Yet, they try to climb aboard as I thrive in my reality
But you weren’t around when this shit was in your words, “mere fantasy”
Now, you are no longer needed; I’m building the legacy.


Real is real
Real cannot be false
Real cannot lie
And that’s why I can never tell a lie
I couldn’t lie to you about who you really were
I see within, outside, and all over you
And with the evidence that I have accumulated
All of your motives are to me revealed
It’s a blessing to have a gift of Divine Insight
And I use it daily to sift through and decipher
Ridiculous riddles that contradict clear thoughts
And from that inconsistency I must create translations
And therefore, draw an accurate portrait of every person
But it’s an abstract painting
Because people are much more complex than a still life
Or are they not?


My voice soars as I hold the purest note
It’s a truth that transcends
This earthly physical realm
It’s a truth that was gifted upon me
The Great Lord touched my tongue
With His anointing
And I tasted honey
But it burned within
And that’s how I live every single day
Sweet words coming from sweet lips
Some of the time
But that’s just to ready you for the truth
That is burning within
And that will inevitably arise
From my stomach
And that burn will no longer ache as a pain
Because I told the truth
And I couldn’t lie.


Lies upon lies others utter
To themselves and to everyone else
How can you be honest with me
When you lie to yourself?


It’s not possible!
And I see it!
I feel it all over you!
You are a liar!
You are not real
No one can be real if they lie
But I preach truth to you
Dig deeper
Work harder
Have the strength to CONFRONT yourself
Look at yourself in a literal and symbolic mirror
I do it regularly
That’s why I am who I am
I will put the work in to build a more perfect structure
I will devote the extra time to be a better building
And that’s why I am here where I am
And you are where you are
You don’t put in the effort that I do.


And since I am being real today
I must speak to you candidly
By speaking to you calmly and directly
And what I say is this
I don’t apologize to you
I won’t say that I’m sorry for being who I am
Just because you are jealous of my beauty
I won’t dim my personality
Because its brightness overwhelms you
I won’t diminish my personality
Just because bluntness scares you
I am a real woman
And I am not the woman that you want me to be
I am a nice person, but I am not sweet
I am a spiritual person who loves God and believes in Jesus Christ
Who is saved and who has a relationship with Christ
But I am not a Christian!
I am not a Muslim!
Because I don’t subscribe to your system of “religion”
My life is about relationships, not religion
And there ain’t shit you can tell me about being close to God
When I know more about Him than you ever could
Because He gave me spiritual gifts that you could only fathom
You judge me and won’t respect me
Because I deny your laws and regulations
And you think I’m going to Hell
Well, sweetie, angels are my companions
And I’ve seen Heaven and Hell
And with God on my side I’ve literally cast demons out
And I watched them go way
My name is already in the Book of Life
So there is nothing you can say to me about God and me.


But I digress, because I must, and I do mean must
Continue this conversation
Or rant, if you may
So what are some other bold statements that I must make?
I am not a whore
But I am not a prude who subscribes to your system of sexual repression
I am a woman who enjoys sex, who loves sex
And enjoys the sensuality and spirtuality of physical intimacy
And I’ll just leave it at that
I’m sorry, are you uncomfortable right now?


Well, continue to be, because I’m just getting started
I am a good person
Someone of character
Who always stands up for what is right
And will defend the downtrodden and defenseless
And I will do so loudly and boldly
See I tried to “soften” my voice
And make it like a pillow, "comfortable"
After all, I am very blessed with the gift of tact as well
“They” tried to “silence” my words
Because I wasn’t passive or pathetic enough
But I am not an insecure or lowly bitch
I am humble and modest
But I am not nor will I ever be passive again.


So who is this person?
Well, it’s not someone who fits your mold
That you designed for me
And that I tried for years to force and fit myself within
But it didn’t fit
You just can’t put a square piece in a round peg
And I’m that square piece
That won’t fit no matter how much she tries
But I laugh gleefully
As I triumphantly fly away
An eagle looking down upon
The banal chickens
Who are chittering and chattering
In a group
Too afraid to leave the henhouse
Sigh…
Pathetic.


And I walk slowly away
And I gaze down at the mic
Or rather the mic within
And I prepare to leave the stage
And I have uttered all that I was meant to utter
And there is nothing more to say
And there is nothing that is within anymore
Hurting me and my heart
And making me bleed all over
There is no piercing heartache
Caused by heartbreak
Because it’s all done
The work, that definitive work is completed
And this transformation is complete
But it’s a different sort of transformation
See, this isn’t some “illuminati” shit
Of “good girls” being made “bad”
That's not true transformation, but rather
That's denials and distractions
And an unwillingness to see and love self
But rather this is a deep and enduring
Maturation caused from systematic self-reflection
Self-awareness
And development of self-esteem
And now it is a true woman of God who stands before you
And you cannot even recognize her
Because it makes no sense to you
How, can this short little girl with the awkward personality and looks
All of a sudden look so beautiful and so strong
How can the shy girl who couldn’t look you in your eyes
Preach with wisdom that could come only from “Someone”
And how is it that her words cut like a knife?
And you want to object to it
And disagree with it
And demean it
But pointing out inconsistences like
How can you claim to be saved
And then “preach” about sexuality
And cuss boldly from the same piece
Well, I would say in response to that
I write this script of my life
And God is behind me supporting me
Within me empowering me
And above me, inspiring me
He knows me
He gets me
And He knows the whole person
And I would not be so rude to Him
As to lie to Him about who I am
I wouldn’t do that to Him
And although you are not worthy to see the real me
I allow you that privilege anyway
Why should I lie about anything?
Unlike you, I’m not ashamed of alleged “inconsistences”
It’s not inconsistent
It’s simply a part of the very complex and compact package that is me
Real recognizes real
“So can you see me?”


Drops mic and leaves