"Realness" By The Thinker

"Realness"


By The Thinker


Real recognizes real
Or at least that’s what they say
But that cannot very well be the case
When I live in a world in which the fake is
What is recognized as real
And what is real is mocked and degraded
And seen as untruth
For how can someone truly accept what’s “real”
When that truth is so raw
And so painful
And it pierces the very heart and soul to the core
Yet, you claim you want to have someone that is “real”
Okay, love I will show you my “realness.”


Why do I live in a world in which inequality not only exists
But is accepted and is a much sought after reality
Let’s just be real, this was a system that was designed
By the few to benefit the few and those who recognize this truth are few
If I don’t have money it’s not because I didn’t strive for it or work hard
But it’s because the system was designed that way
At the same time, I myself, am an aberration
Because by all the stats and the facts
I should be nothing and doing nothing
Considering that no one contributed (let’s just keep it real)
To this destiny and to my reality
Yet, they try to climb aboard as I thrive in my reality
But you weren’t around when this shit was in your words, “mere fantasy”
Now, you are no longer needed; I’m building the legacy.


Real is real
Real cannot be false
Real cannot lie
And that’s why I can never tell a lie
I couldn’t lie to you about who you really were
I see within, outside, and all over you
And with the evidence that I have accumulated
All of your motives are to me revealed
It’s a blessing to have a gift of Divine Insight
And I use it daily to sift through and decipher
Ridiculous riddles that contradict clear thoughts
And from that inconsistency I must create translations
And therefore, draw an accurate portrait of every person
But it’s an abstract painting
Because people are much more complex than a still life
Or are they not?


My voice soars as I hold the purest note
It’s a truth that transcends
This earthly physical realm
It’s a truth that was gifted upon me
The Great Lord touched my tongue
With His anointing
And I tasted honey
But it burned within
And that’s how I live every single day
Sweet words coming from sweet lips
Some of the time
But that’s just to ready you for the truth
That is burning within
And that will inevitably arise
From my stomach
And that burn will no longer ache as a pain
Because I told the truth
And I couldn’t lie.


Lies upon lies others utter
To themselves and to everyone else
How can you be honest with me
When you lie to yourself?


It’s not possible!
And I see it!
I feel it all over you!
You are a liar!
You are not real
No one can be real if they lie
But I preach truth to you
Dig deeper
Work harder
Have the strength to CONFRONT yourself
Look at yourself in a literal and symbolic mirror
I do it regularly
That’s why I am who I am
I will put the work in to build a more perfect structure
I will devote the extra time to be a better building
And that’s why I am here where I am
And you are where you are
You don’t put in the effort that I do.


And since I am being real today
I must speak to you candidly
By speaking to you calmly and directly
And what I say is this
I don’t apologize to you
I won’t say that I’m sorry for being who I am
Just because you are jealous of my beauty
I won’t dim my personality
Because its brightness overwhelms you
I won’t diminish my personality
Just because bluntness scares you
I am a real woman
And I am not the woman that you want me to be
I am a nice person, but I am not sweet
I am a spiritual person who loves God and believes in Jesus Christ
Who is saved and who has a relationship with Christ
But I am not a Christian!
I am not a Muslim!
Because I don’t subscribe to your system of “religion”
My life is about relationships, not religion
And there ain’t shit you can tell me about being close to God
When I know more about Him than you ever could
Because He gave me spiritual gifts that you could only fathom
You judge me and won’t respect me
Because I deny your laws and regulations
And you think I’m going to Hell
Well, sweetie, angels are my companions
And I’ve seen Heaven and Hell
And with God on my side I’ve literally cast demons out
And I watched them go way
My name is already in the Book of Life
So there is nothing you can say to me about God and me.


But I digress, because I must, and I do mean must
Continue this conversation
Or rant, if you may
So what are some other bold statements that I must make?
I am not a whore
But I am not a prude who subscribes to your system of sexual repression
I am a woman who enjoys sex, who loves sex
And enjoys the sensuality and spirtuality of physical intimacy
And I’ll just leave it at that
I’m sorry, are you uncomfortable right now?


Well, continue to be, because I’m just getting started
I am a good person
Someone of character
Who always stands up for what is right
And will defend the downtrodden and defenseless
And I will do so loudly and boldly
See I tried to “soften” my voice
And make it like a pillow, "comfortable"
After all, I am very blessed with the gift of tact as well
“They” tried to “silence” my words
Because I wasn’t passive or pathetic enough
But I am not an insecure or lowly bitch
I am humble and modest
But I am not nor will I ever be passive again.


So who is this person?
Well, it’s not someone who fits your mold
That you designed for me
And that I tried for years to force and fit myself within
But it didn’t fit
You just can’t put a square piece in a round peg
And I’m that square piece
That won’t fit no matter how much she tries
But I laugh gleefully
As I triumphantly fly away
An eagle looking down upon
The banal chickens
Who are chittering and chattering
In a group
Too afraid to leave the henhouse
Sigh…
Pathetic.


And I walk slowly away
And I gaze down at the mic
Or rather the mic within
And I prepare to leave the stage
And I have uttered all that I was meant to utter
And there is nothing more to say
And there is nothing that is within anymore
Hurting me and my heart
And making me bleed all over
There is no piercing heartache
Caused by heartbreak
Because it’s all done
The work, that definitive work is completed
And this transformation is complete
But it’s a different sort of transformation
See, this isn’t some “illuminati” shit
Of “good girls” being made “bad”
That's not true transformation, but rather
That's denials and distractions
And an unwillingness to see and love self
But rather this is a deep and enduring
Maturation caused from systematic self-reflection
Self-awareness
And development of self-esteem
And now it is a true woman of God who stands before you
And you cannot even recognize her
Because it makes no sense to you
How, can this short little girl with the awkward personality and looks
All of a sudden look so beautiful and so strong
How can the shy girl who couldn’t look you in your eyes
Preach with wisdom that could come only from “Someone”
And how is it that her words cut like a knife?
And you want to object to it
And disagree with it
And demean it
But pointing out inconsistences like
How can you claim to be saved
And then “preach” about sexuality
And cuss boldly from the same piece
Well, I would say in response to that
I write this script of my life
And God is behind me supporting me
Within me empowering me
And above me, inspiring me
He knows me
He gets me
And He knows the whole person
And I would not be so rude to Him
As to lie to Him about who I am
I wouldn’t do that to Him
And although you are not worthy to see the real me
I allow you that privilege anyway
Why should I lie about anything?
Unlike you, I’m not ashamed of alleged “inconsistences”
It’s not inconsistent
It’s simply a part of the very complex and compact package that is me
Real recognizes real
“So can you see me?”


Drops mic and leaves

A Dream

Give God the Praise!

My Personal Account

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins, J.D., M.A.

November 13, 2011

I had a dream early this morning, and I feel that it has a purpose.  Therefore, I am writing about it. 

I was in a house with several people, who were talking.  One person was talking to a man about how she was going to be working with the man’s wife soon, and she was excited about it.  She and the wife would be co-workers, apparently.  The husband was excited also, and he began telling the woman about all of the tasks that she could do for his wife.  It was clear that he wanted her to be like his wife’s personal servant, even though that was not her job.  I became angry, and I spoke up, realizing his intentions.  Apparently, I knew the wife because I told the woman that the wife was a very sweet and talented person, however, she and her husband were trying to make everything all about her.  I basically told the woman that they are selfish and are trying to take advantage of her.  As I spoke, the husband was silent, but his eyes grew black, and it was clear that he was angry.  I screamed at the people in the room to “look at his eyes!” but it was unclear if they saw them too.  He was becoming angrier and angrier, and I could feel his evil nature.  His nature became even more obvious when I suddenly yelled at the top of my lungs, “Give God the praise!”  When I yelled that phrase I felt myself floating away from the people.  I yelled the phrase more than once, at the evil husband and at every person in the room.  I don’t know what the people did; it’s unclear to me.  Suddenly, I began to wake up.  I woke up with great difficulty, struggling and gasping for air as I tried to become awake completely.  Finally, I was completely awake. 

 

Because the room I was in was completely dark, I then turned on the light and the television as well.  I really did not know what to make of what I had just experienced.  When I turned on the television I turned it onto one of my favorite preachers, Joel Osteen.  There literally were two or three minutes left in his sermon.  When I turned it on there, the topic that he was talking about was clear, “Give God the praise!”  I listened, and he spoke some more, and it was clear that that was the theme of his message, “Give God the praise!”  And I felt that I had received the confirmation that I needed.

This song is completely inspired by the beautiful and poetic verses from the Song of Solomon. Some of these lyrics are taken completely from those verses because Solomon captured the most beautiful essence of romantic love, and sometimes my own words could not do this topic justice.


“You Were Made For My Love”

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

Verse 1 (female)

I want you to kiss me with the kisses of your mouth
For your love is better than wine
Because of the fragrance of your good ointments
Your name is ointment poured forth
Therefore the virgins love you
Draw me away!

Verse 2 (male)
I want to love you completely
I want to know you completely
You were made for my love
I want to fill you completely
I want to love you completely
You were made for my love

Verse 3 (female)
I am dark, but I am lovely to you
You saw me and knew me
I was beautiful to you
And I am the only woman you’ve ever known
Who could inspire you and
Who could become your muse
And so it was for you
That I saved myself
I am the rose of Sharon
And the lily of the valleys

Verse 4 (male)
I want to love you completely
I want to know you completely
You were made for my love
I want to fill you completely
I want to love you completely
You were made for my love

Verse 5 (male)
Oh my love, there is none like you
Oh, don’t you know that because of
Your unique beauty
Oh, you are fairest among women
There is none like you

You have dove’s eyes behind your veil
Oh, your soft lips are like a strand of scarlet
Your breasts are like two fawns
Twins of a gazelle
Which feed among the lilies
Oh you were made for pleasure

Oh, my love
You have ravished my heart
With one look of your eyes
My love, my wife!
You are all that is lovely
All that is perfect

Verse 6 (male)
I want to love you completely
I want to know you completely
You were made for my love
I want to fill you completely
I want to love you completely
You were made for my love

Verse 7 (female)
Oh, I want you to love me completely
Please know me completely
Cause I was made for your love
Oh, fill me completely
I want you to love me completely
I was made for your love!

"Tear Stains" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

"Tear Stains"

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

Verse 1
Tear stains fade away
But the fact that you caused them
Never changes

All I can recall is what you said
And that hatred you displayed
And I'm unable to forget that
Dreadful day

I may be smiling today
But on that day,
That yesterday
I was unable to see who I am
So your words, although
Completely lies
Hurt something deep inside

Chorus
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
Any tears in my eyes
Have all faded away
But the pain that you caused
But the pain that you caused
Oh no, love, that could never fade

Verse 2
Tear stains may still be apparent
To me
But you will never see them
Cause I wiped my eyes
Any time I was in your presence

Cause I refused to let you know
That you could make someone
Who's so strong
Feel so weak
And like less than anything

And although I once was crying
I'm no longer hiding my face
You can't see those tears you caused
Cause they don't exist today
It's my sad past
But it's not a part of my today

Chorus
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
Any tears in my eyes
Have all faded away
And the pain that you caused
And the pain that you caused
Although it's not forgotten
I can honestly say that it's
Begun to fade

Verse 3
Tear stains fade away
But the fact that they
Were there
Cannot be disputed

I can't ignore them
Cause I used to cry
Every single time you hurt me
And then every time
You apologized
You made me cry again
As you did the same thing
Over and over and over again

So although my tear stains
Have faded
I'll never forget what
You've done to me

End with chorus
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
There are no longer
Any tears falling down my face
Any tears in my eyes
Have all faded away
And the pain that you caused
Oh no, love, that could never fade.

"Secret Garden" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

"Secret Garden"

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

Where is my secret garden?

I think I've found the key to it
The key to finding those
Beautiful orange
Pink, yellow, and red
Vibrant hues
Of blooming flowers

Oh yes, I have the key
To those green leaves
And vines and wreaths
Delighting my eyesight
Mmm, I can practically
Smell the honeysuckle
As its sweet honey scent
Tickles my nose with delight

I know I have the key to
My everlasting happiness
And my dreams
I have the key
To my castles in the sky
And no longer will I have
To gaze at the puffy white clouds
And envision shapes
And personas within them
Oh no, I already have
My tranquility within my grasp

I have the key to my passion
And I have tapped into my motivation
And I have experienced
Instant liberation

I have joy today
And thus I live for today
But my eyes are wide and
Fixed forward
And my hands are open to tomorrow
And my key is in my hand.

"1,440" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

"1,440"

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

Verse 1
Every minute is an opportunity
To do something great
Every minute can never be
Duplicated nor replicated
Once it's passed away
It can never return again

So I choose to use every
Minute wisely
And to get the most
Out of each day

Chorus
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute

Verse 2
When I say there's 24 hours in a day
That seems pretty brief
But when I say
There are 1,440 minutes in a day
I realize I have so much time
To do all types of great things

I can write stories, novels, and poems
I can sing a new song each day
To thank God for my living each day
I can read and learn something new everyday
I can talk to good people
And I can spend time in meditation with God each day
And even while doing all that
I still have enough time
To work to pay the bills
And do my different tasks

Chorus
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute

Verse 3
I'm not ever going to say
That I just don't have the time
To live life fully
To use this time productively
Most of all
To live abundantly
Oh, I have enough time

End with chorus
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute
There's 1,440 minutes in a day
And I'm going to enjoy every minute

"Capitalism" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

"Capitalism"

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

Capitalism doesn't work!

It teaches us to skip
The joyful intricacies of life
So focused are we on what lies ahead
A new job, a new opportunity,
It's time to work! No play!
Rush Rush
Chop Chop
Time is money.

Capitalism is not Biblical.

Because it teaches us to
Value the things and the means
To achieve those things
Rather than the God who
Created someone of much more value
Than those things

God created us to live
And enjoy
A peace-filled, joyful life
Not one that we speedily
Rush through
And all too soon
Our already brief journey
Is that much more brief

Capitalism is a sinful mistake!

That breeds low self-esteem
And self-hatred
As its victims struggle
To attain everything that
Its ruthless dictator demands
Complete and total
Servitude

Life under capitalism
Is not about taking
The time to smell the roses
Oh no! That's not productive!
And a moment without work
Means another dollar isn't earned

And so we servants
Of this brutalistic
System's machinations
Are screaming!
And crying.
And life is stressful.
And worse than
Hobbes' state of nature
Cause he was mistaken
Life under capitalism
Is what is nasty, brutish and short

And its jaws are from
What we can't escape
Nor could we imagine trying

Because we've been brainwashed!

Into loving a system
That cannot be sustained
For it is built upon
The broken bodies and
Broken spirits
Of broken-hearted people
Our fellow humans in the human race
Because someone must pay the price
So I can buy a cheap
TV at Walmart
As these past long years have taught us
We now know we all are paying the price
But is it worth it?